Yes, I did. Probably. I didn't want to, but I did. It started out by misunderstanding, really. I mistook everything in the first place. I knew it isn't what you meant, but well, I was the one to blame. And then, things started getting pretty awkward. And I've done ridiculous stuff like shouting your name all of a sudden in the middle of a crowd, even though I didn't mean to. I was surprised myself. Fortunately no one noticed, or did they? I don't know.
For a whole year, I was in denial. I was like, no no no no no no no no, I did not fall for you. No, I didn't. It was more like a crush, cause you know, love is a strong word. But then, somebody tweeted something like if you have been crushing for more than four months, then it was love. I was still like, no way. I still believed it was just a crush. But then I thought about it, then this sort of sense was just creeping in and I changed my perspective. I didn't do much after that, like there wasn't a big dramatic change in the relationship whatsoever. But maybe, I was falling in love. I don't know (bear with the words, it's like everybody's favorite sentence!). I haven't figure it out until now because I don't know what love is, really. Love is vague. Who can describe love? I love God, I love my family, but like, for you? I mean, that is... :/ I'm not sure about that.
However, times have passed. I'm finally letting go. Letting go of something I've never had. Maybe the change of place, or maybe because a year has gone by, but I don't think of you that way anymore. I don't hope for something out of you anymore. I'm not waiting again.
So you just go your own way, I will go my way. And maybe someday, we can continue being friends, not like an awkward kinda friend, but friend, in a friendly way with a friendly conversation :)
zara tank top, tailored suede skirt, aiiz cardigan, new look boots, primark sling bag
Photographed by Paulina Koshan
P.S. It was a beautiful Sunday in autumn. Now is winter. Still pretty, but cold.